It's been...

...over a month since I have written anything on this blog. The reason being I am struggling so bad with weightwatchers at the moment. I'm angry that I have to watch what I eat, silly really because I'm not the only person in the world that has to be careful about what they eat.

I've been eating everything I shouldn't and going over my points on a regular basis, no suprise that I have gained 3.5lbs in the last 2 weeks hey!

I still have absolutely no motivation at all, I don't know why. I don't believe I can succeed in this and am convinced that I am going to be obese for the rest of my life.

I have a lot of stress in my life at the moment, other half was made redundant at the end of march and hasn't found another job yet. I know this is by no means an excuse but I do tend to go one of 2 ways when I am stressed. I either eat (as I have been doing) or I eat nothing (shame it couldn't have been this one lol). I can't use this as an excuse, I know why I am making the wrong food choices but I don't seem to have any willpower to stop myself. I'm hoping that in writing this post on my blog it will be a stark reminder that I need to do something about my weight because I need to get healthy for my 2 precious boys. I'm in so many health risk catagories at the moment it's untrue. I think maybe I need to find my photo of me at my very heaviest because that may just shock me into seeing that I'm goiong to end up back there if I don't sort myself out.

I don't want to go back to being 23st6, even walking up the stairs was a huge problem. I don't want to have a heart attack or develop diabetes. I want to be around to watch my boys grow up. I need to take a serious step towards achieving this and that means following the plan properly and not half heartedly like I have been doing for the last month.

I seem to think that when I have a good loss - a couple of weeks ago I lost 4lb - then it gives me license to eat what I want. Deep down I know this isn't the case, I KNOW that I will have to watch my food intake for the rest of my life to stay as healthy as I possibly can.

So my goal for this month is to lose the 3.5lbs I have put on and hopefully another 1.5 if I can - 5lbs in 2 weeks is doable but not particularly realistic. I'm setting myself this goal because it will push me over the barrier that I have been yo-yoing around for the last month and hopefully it will give me the incentive to keep going on this journey.

Another reason for me needing to do this is because I have a hospital appointment tomorrow to see if I have gall stones - if I do and they decide that surgery is the best option, being a lower BMI will only benefit me.

So here goes - there may well be more posts over the next couple of weeks to help me get through them and if there are then they will probably all be random nonsense lol

But I'm going to try my hardest to get this weight shifted for good. My boys need me and the sooner I realise this the better it will be on me.

Weigh in week 8

Another pound gone - have been throwing up for half of the weekend and was secretly hoping for a little more but nevermind. Up until saturday I was showing a 2lb gain. So I guess I should think myself lucky.

I really wish I could find the motivation I need to do this journey - I don't want to feel like I'm plodding along until I find it. I want to feel like I'm actually doing something. I'm 8 weeks into this journey and I'm still looking for said motivation lol I'm sure it'll turn up some day and at least I'll be a little but lighter when I do find it lol

I have nothing constructive to write about this week - I think I might just need a kick up the bum lol any offers will be snapped up immediately lol

Well onwards and tracking I guess until next week, unless something really exciting happens in the middle of this one lol

Take care everyone xx

Weigh in week 7

I have lost another 2lbs this week. Another 3.5lbs and I will drop another bmi point, I have decided to set this as my next mini goal.

I am struggling to find any motivation for weightwatcher's at all. I know that I am doing this for a healthier me but I still don't feel in "the zone" if you know what I mean. I will plod on none the less because even though I haven't found my mojo since starting this program (again) I am losing weight and that's a positive thing.

I have this great fear that when I finally get to goal this time that I am going to have an awful lot of excess skin, it's giving me very detailed nightmares. I suppose I really need to look at the positives of this journey and not the negatives.

Well let's hope I can stay focused this week and have another loss next monday. I'll blog again soon, take care xx

ok I'm officially ....

...... rubbish at remembering to update my blog lol

I haven't blogged for 2 weeks :-O disgraceful I know. I have had losses on both of those weeks and am now at a total loss of 15.5lbs (hoping that this will be more tomorrow).

Loads of things have happened in the last couple of weeks but nothing of interest.

So on that note I am going to bed and will update tomorrow with weigh in details and anything that I can think that happened in the last week.

Good night anyone who reads this xx

A special mid-week post

This post is dedicated to my mum. As of last night she has reached goal and I am soo proud of her. Like me she has struggled over the years with her weight, dieted, given up and then put more weight back on.

BUT this time she has stuck with the weightwatchers plan and has reached GOAL.

Mum if you ever get to read this please know that you are an inspiration to me and I am so proud of you and so pleased that you have achieved what you set out to do. No matter how difficult it got you stuck with it and have reached your target. WELL DONE MY MUM!

Weigh in week 4

I am thrilled to report a 3lb loss this week - taking me to a total of 12lbs ..... this means I have lost the same amount of weight as my baby weighs right now, so that's my first mini goal reached. Next mini goal is to lose a stone, I'm hoping that I can do it this week but if not it will happen the week after. The most important thing that's happening is that the weight is coming off which isn't bad as I had absolutely no motivation when I started this journey and I can't say that I have an awful lot of motivation now either - for all that the weight is going down and that is important in my quest to be healthy for my children.

I have a new addiction ....... blueberries. Oh my goodness they are so delicious but also expensive so will have to be an occasional treat I'm afraid.

I have managed to get through the day under my points allowance which I didn't think I would do as I had to have birthday cake with cream today but I've pointed it and I've still come 7.5 under for the day.

Maybe I am more motivated than I thought I was. I'm determined to get myself healthier.

I did my measurements today and already I have lost 42.5cms - unbelievable for having only lost 12lbs, very impressed by that.

Anyway I have rambled enough for today so I'm going to sign off and head to bed.

Good luck to everyone for weigh in's this week. Take care xx

Weigh in week 3

Happy to report a 1lb loss this week - total now 9lbs in 3 weeks. Yes I would like it to be more BUT small steps add up to big strides :o)

Now that the weather is improving a bit I am managing to go out walking every day why you ask, can't I walk in the rain well I can but I don't think it's fair on my 12 week old baby to b out in horrible weather.

I'm now 5lbs away from my first stone and I'm hoping to get there in the next 3 weeks. Realistically I have set my goals for 1-2lbs a week and anything over that is a bonus. That means that on my realistic goal I should reach my first stone loss by 30th March but being as I am "only" 5lbs away from it I would really like to see it sooner.

I am hoping to get my mini trampoline out of the garage today and finally get it put together - it's only been out there for about 2 years in the box lol also my friend is hopefully bringing my treadmill back soon so even in the horrible weather I will b able to get some walking done.

I would love to see a substantial loss bu christmas this year - even be close to goal but I think I am putting too much pressure on myself for this. So I am aiming for about a 60lb loss by then, anything more than that will be a huge bonus :o)

So onwards and lighter I go - I WILL MAKE IT TO GOAL THIS TIME!