It's been...

...over a month since I have written anything on this blog. The reason being I am struggling so bad with weightwatchers at the moment. I'm angry that I have to watch what I eat, silly really because I'm not the only person in the world that has to be careful about what they eat.

I've been eating everything I shouldn't and going over my points on a regular basis, no suprise that I have gained 3.5lbs in the last 2 weeks hey!

I still have absolutely no motivation at all, I don't know why. I don't believe I can succeed in this and am convinced that I am going to be obese for the rest of my life.

I have a lot of stress in my life at the moment, other half was made redundant at the end of march and hasn't found another job yet. I know this is by no means an excuse but I do tend to go one of 2 ways when I am stressed. I either eat (as I have been doing) or I eat nothing (shame it couldn't have been this one lol). I can't use this as an excuse, I know why I am making the wrong food choices but I don't seem to have any willpower to stop myself. I'm hoping that in writing this post on my blog it will be a stark reminder that I need to do something about my weight because I need to get healthy for my 2 precious boys. I'm in so many health risk catagories at the moment it's untrue. I think maybe I need to find my photo of me at my very heaviest because that may just shock me into seeing that I'm goiong to end up back there if I don't sort myself out.

I don't want to go back to being 23st6, even walking up the stairs was a huge problem. I don't want to have a heart attack or develop diabetes. I want to be around to watch my boys grow up. I need to take a serious step towards achieving this and that means following the plan properly and not half heartedly like I have been doing for the last month.

I seem to think that when I have a good loss - a couple of weeks ago I lost 4lb - then it gives me license to eat what I want. Deep down I know this isn't the case, I KNOW that I will have to watch my food intake for the rest of my life to stay as healthy as I possibly can.

So my goal for this month is to lose the 3.5lbs I have put on and hopefully another 1.5 if I can - 5lbs in 2 weeks is doable but not particularly realistic. I'm setting myself this goal because it will push me over the barrier that I have been yo-yoing around for the last month and hopefully it will give me the incentive to keep going on this journey.

Another reason for me needing to do this is because I have a hospital appointment tomorrow to see if I have gall stones - if I do and they decide that surgery is the best option, being a lower BMI will only benefit me.

So here goes - there may well be more posts over the next couple of weeks to help me get through them and if there are then they will probably all be random nonsense lol

But I'm going to try my hardest to get this weight shifted for good. My boys need me and the sooner I realise this the better it will be on me.